Mom, why are you looking at me like that? Why aren’t
you and dad sleeping in the same room? Fighting over me again huh?
Mom why don’t you just check my wrists
ONE more time?
Mom why don’t you just take a picture, it will last longer. Mom why are
you telling me Everything’s going to be alright? Mom why are you asking
me how I am? Why are you Making me talk to you? Mom just stop,
I’m holding back tears now mom.
And I’m looking for the right shoulder to cry on and
your not it mom.
Where are you?
When will you be coming back?
Will you ever return?
Or just leave my heart empty and black?
She walks down in the rain
Alone ,
Surprised at meeting me.
“What is wrong?
Why are you like this?
Why wouldn’t you open up to anyone?
I’m here to help you, just ask for help. I
Love you and
I can’t stand to see you slipping away.
Come here, let me hold you.”
“NO, NO, NO”
She pulls away and even though it’s raining
(I still saw her tears.)
Broken wings
I looked for you while I was soaring in the air.
I spread my hands high pretending thy were wings
And I was hoping they would fly me to you.
I searched for you frantically,
My eyes wandered to every possible place.
I couldn’t find you. You were nowhere to be near.
I sank back with frustration,
Why couldn’t I find you?
Why weren’t you there?
Tears poured out of my eyes,
Tears of anguish.
I don’t understand it.
I really needed to see you.
She saw me.
She studied my face and
I could feel her eyes burning on my face.
She saw past the fake smiles,
she saw The real me.
She gazed at me for a moment longer and
I could feel her trying to help me.
And without even saying a word,
She had helped me.
She could tell I had let him go,
I wasn’t ready to fly yet.
EVERYONE
Looks at me differently now.
It’s like I have a sign on my back saying
“FRAGIL:
Handle with care or she might try to kill herself again.”
long one------
To my wings:
Now you’re falling apart and I don’t know what to do. It was always me, always me that was doing badly. That was hard but in a way comforting, Comforting knowing that you were safe and it was I that was unsolvable. Now please hold on. Please don’t let go. I’m going to hold on to you for dear life. Remember you go I go. I’m gonna follow you. You’re stronger then me. You keep me in line. You keep me breathing. I need you here. Without you I am nothing. |NOTHING.| You can’t leave me here alone. You’re the only one that cares enough to listen to me, the one that holds me when I cry. Whenever I’m upset or looking like I’m going to hurt myself, who do my parents call? You, they know they can’t save me. But you can. You hold me and everything seems to go away. Even if for just that moment I feel safe.
You have something going for you. I know you don’t want to hear that but you’re smart and that will take you places. You need to use that knowledge for the world. Because of you the world is a better place and doesn’t seem so scary to me. Maybe you’ll grow up to cure cancer or find a way to stop war, whatever it is I know it will change the world for ever. But it doesn’t have to be the whole world. Just by stopping in to see how I am, you change the world. Just by listening to your mom cry and comfort her, you change the world. Just by always being there for your friends, you change the world. Use your knowledge. Always keep learning. One of us has to make it in this world and it’s gonna be you.
You’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone ever tell you others wise. You’re not fat. You’re not ugly. You’re not stupid. You’re not worthless. Don’t listen to what others say about you. Listen to yourself to your heart. Deep down inside I know you want to live. You might just need help. Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made; take advantage of your help. If your health is good, keep it stable. If it is bad improve it. If it is beyond repair get help. By asking for help it doesn’t make you weak. It shows your strength. Please ask for help. I never did and now look where I am, needing all the help in the world. If your sad, tell someone. Don’t ever keep your emotions bottled up. Let your feelings out. Although I don’t want to see you cry, let your tears fall. Take slow deep breathes and let it out. Then pull yourself together and fix what’s wrong. If you can’t once again, get help. There are people out there put on this earth just to help others. It might take a lot of energy but don’t be like me. You’re going to have to struggle and pull through it. You always do. I know you will.
I love you.
_______________________________________
MOVIES, SONGS, BOOKS--
You’re prettier then me. You’re all prettier then me.
BANG - BANG –
You’re dead
You’re smarter then me. You’re all smarter then me.
BANG- BANG –
you’re dead
You’re better then me. You’re all better then me.
BANG- BANG
– you’re dead.
Now I’m the prettiest.
Now I’m the smartest
Now I’m the best
Now I’m the loneliest.
tiny, jagged hunks of mortar were being hurled at me
From all sides. My hands over my face, I tried to run
Home, but the assault was too relentless. “Please stop,”
I pleaded. My knuckles and wrists were swollen and
Bloody. Red welts covered my body. I didn’t know
What was worse, the physical or the emotional agony.
It’s not that I want to
{Die-}
I’m not suicidal. If I were, I would have
SLIT MY WRISTS
Or OVERDOSED ON PILLS
A long time ago. I just want to be quiet
And left alone. That’s all. No big deal. Maybe I’ll get lucky.
Maybe I’ll fall asleep and not ever have to wake up again.
^ PLEASE STOP LAUGHING AT ME^
Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is...
Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing
a dark secret. It's you or me amplified.
If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it.
If you ever wished you could be a child forever.
They were not perfect, but they were my friends and
by the '70s most of them were out living lives.
Some I've seen, some never again,
but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.
-
-Girl interrupted -
There must be an angel with a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you.
-You’re Beautiful
By: James Blunt
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
-You’re Beautiful
Life aint always what it seem to be
Words cant express what you mean to me
Even though you’re gone, we still a team
Through your family, Ill fulfill your dream
In the future, cant wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When its real, feelings hard to conceal
Cant imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death
~I’ll be missing you
P.diddy
Remember seeing moons rebirth
Rains made mirrors of the earth
The sun was just yellow energy
There is a living promise land
Even over fields of sand
Seasons fill my mind and
Cover me…
Bringing back
more than a memory
-chariot
Gavin DeGraw
All hope was gone
Hard to hang on
Hard to be strong
Was blind, could not see
Nothing but walls in front
of me and inside no peace
-Soldier’s Heart
R. Kelly
Goodbyes are goodbyes. Some goodbyes
Mean forever, sometimes they're good.
Sometimes they're heart breaking. Sometimes
They’re sad, but just what we need.
So voila, forever
(G.O.O.D.B.Y.E.S)
Goodbye
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